Local Best: the Coffee Travesty

So, I realize that I've been holding out on you guys. I mentioned in an earlier post that I was looking for the best coffee shop in Sioux Falls--and I believe I have found it.

Coffea Roasterie - Staffed with a collection of passionate baristas, Coffea is part of this back-to-basics trend in coffee, that's just as concerned with producing a high quality cup of coffee as it is with making beautiful latte art. And their latte art is pretty darn good.

Get a large latte to go through their drive thru, or come in and select from an array of drinks and brewing methods ( I think they have five or so, from French press to Chemex.). They roast their own beans in house, and even have one roast Ethiopia Nekisse, that earned them a 96 rating on coffeereview.com.

The environment at Coffea is perfect as well: The business shares a common seating space with the Little Cellar Wine Company next door (selling, of course, wines), so you can meet someone for coffee...AND wine. I love the meeting of my two favorite beverages in one--it reminds me of Barriques in Madison.

But now, on to the part about the travesty. Like many cities, Sioux Falls has a yearly contest in which residents vote on their favorite businesses in Sioux Falls, from hair salons to Chinese restaurants. Here, its called the Local Best.

After visiting Coffea, and discovering its wonder, I of course wondered how it rated on the Local Best. Drinking a caffeinated circle around this city, I expected it to be rated fairly highly---nothing else really seemed close. And it WAS in the top five...but what it was behind made me sad: The list.

STARBUCKS is #1? REALLY? Look, nothing against Starbucks, because I definitely appreciate its presence in airports and would even acknowledge that it deserves to be on this list somewhere in Sioux Falls, but #1? Saying that Starbucks is your favorite coffee is like saying that McDonald's makes your favorite burger. It might be true, but its also sort of sad.

Looking at more categories on the list makes me even sadder for the people of this city, because it reads like pin-the-tail-on-the-chain-store.

Best Pizza...Papa Murphy's

Best Steak...Texas Roadhouse

Best Chinese (saddest of all)...Hy-Vee. Its not even a restaurant, its a grocery store cafeteria.

But then, it isn't  like I've had very good luck with local restaurants --- comparatively, a reliable chain begins to sound appetizing.

Not that I'm giving up. I've got a birthday coming up, and damn it, I'm going to find a restaurant worth going to, or get food poisoning in the process! Wish me luck.

An Ass Out of You and Me

When given the option of going to a local restaurant, or going to a chain, I'm always going to go with the local restaurant. This is because I assume that local restaurants will always be more interesting, more memorable, and just BETTER.

So the following is a lesson is about what happens when you assume. 

Are you following where this is going?

I don't want to get mean about this---because then no one is going to learn. So lets start out with the positives.

The Tea Steak House is cute, with a down-to-earth, local feel. In a small town like this (Tea, SD), this is where the old, long term locals eat. Which is always a good sign---when you see old people eating somewhere, you have to think that they've done something right to get them to keep coming.

 It's unpretentious, relaxed, and has very affordable lunchtime prices on everything on the menu. Their special, for instance, was around only $5. 

Everyone there seemed nice, polite and genuine.

Now, onto the food. This is the part where things go more downhill.

I ordered a steak sandwich with fries. 

Now, I make certain assumptions about the word "sandwich" that I am beginning to believe must be some sort of unfair cultural presumption--I assume that "sandwich" implies "something between two slices of bread" or at the very least, if you want to get generous about it, "something between two slices of something else." Unless I was supposed to shingle the fries together and make the bun myself, I'm pretty sure this is not a sandwich.

But maybe I am wrong---which I am starting to think because this is the SECOND TIME this has happened to Dave and I. The other incident involved an unfortunate evening at the Gateway in Sioux Falls, wherein Dave received a burger inexplicably sans bun. Upon asking for a bun, said waitress seemed very confused, as if the request of a bun could be likened to asking for extra marshmallows in your beer.

Yet, I digress. Assuming I am the one who made a mistake, lets move on. How was that steak sandwich?

Do you like a thick unrendered fat ring and an absence of seasoning on your steak? Then this one is for you. On one hand, if this slab of meat HAD been sandwiched in a bun, it would have been impossible to eat, as so much of the steak was not edible. 

It was cooked to the doneness I asked for. So points there.

There were other issues at this meal, but I won't go into them in detail. Lets just say, they ran out of the special, the order was delayed, and at the end of the meal, this candy display was looking mighty appetizing.

But then something happened that it is very difficult to gloss over. 30 minutes to an hour after we left the restaurant, two of our party of three came down with food poisoning.

I'm not the CDC, but it's not looking good for you here, Tea Steak House.

I CAN proudly say that I was not one of those three to fall ill, which is actually rather unusual. I have inherited my paternal family's stomach, which is notoriously known for being made of a soft, porous material that soaks up any intestinal malady around. I couldn't figure out what I had or hadn't eaten that neither of them had, so I was left to conclude that it must be something that I am consuming that they are not. 

Could it be kombucha?

 (This batch turned out great, by the way. Strawberry flavored, and made in smaller 20 oz bottles definitely preserves some of that fizziness better. Downside is that the bottles are clear, so you can see all the goopies.)

So, wrapping this all up....I wanted the Tea Steak House to be good. I really did. I was so in their corner. And I'll always be in the local restaurant corner, rooting for kitschy coffee shops and skeezy looking Mexican joints over Starbucks and Chevy's Tex-Mex any day.

But when you go to a place and get a tasteless meal, poor service and food poisoning, it really makes you wistful for a bit of reliable consistency. Even if you have to go to Applebees to get it.

Nick's Gyros: A Dramatic Reinactment

Scene: Open on Nick's Gyros, small Greek restaurant in Sioux Falls, where two people, a husband and a wife, are waiting in line to order at the front counter. They both eye the menu inquisitively. Suddenly, it is their turn. They approach the man at the counter.

Man: (stares vacantly at the couple, pencil in hand. He has the dead eyes of a man who has worked too long and too hard, and now no longer gives a crap about what you would like on your sandwich)

Rebecca: Hi, I'd like the gyro plate and some baklava.

Man: Would you huma-sever-mmmuh huh-fing?

Rebecca: What was that?

Man: (looking exasperated) Everything on the sandwich?

Rebecca: Oh. Yes, thanks.

Dave: I'll have the gyro sandwich, toppings on the side.

Man: $14.29

The couple pays and walks over to a table to wait.

Dave: (looks around at decorations) The Greeks really have to get over using only blue and white.

(A fifteen minute conversation ensues about the development of the Roman arch. Abriged due to complete pointlessness of conversation)

The food arrives.

 
Rebecca: One little piece of feta? How sad. I need cheese. I'm from Wisconsin.

Dave: Wow, the tomatoes are actually fresh. I thought they'd be gross and mushy. That's why I always get them on the side.

Eating ensues.

Dave: (eating a french fry) These are not good.

Rebecca: Are you just saying that so I won't try to eat any of your fries?

Dave: No, I'm saying that because they're not good.

Rebecca: (shrugs and eats all the fries) Want a piece of baklava?

Dave: Not really. I already ate two lunches today.

Rebecca: Lunch meetings?

Dave: Yep. Didn't pay for either one.

Rebecca: (takes a bite of baklava) I hate you.

Dave: How is it?

Rebecca: Pretty good. Not bad, but I've had better.

Dave: Yeah, that's how I feel about this whole meal. They definitely benefit being the only Greek place in town. If Oakland's Gyros was to open up here, they'd blow them out of the water.

Rebecca: Is that a chain?

Dave: (looks highly affronted) I never took you to Oakland's Gyros in Milwaukee? (Another long rant ensues about the virtues of Oakland's Gyros.)....and they don't cut their meat right! It's supposed to be long strips of meat, not chunks!

Rebecca: So, verdict in the end?

Dave: It was ok, but I have no real desire to come here again.

Rebecca: I don't know. It was kind of greasy, but I'd come here again. It was not expensive at all, the portions were pretty big, and it gives me my gyro fix. Win.

----End Scene-----

Note: Actual conversations in this drama may have been altered without altering their meaning or the eventual outcome. If you would like to perform this play at your school or community theater, please contact the administrator.

A Tale of Two Restaurants

I may have accused Sioux Falls of lacking variety in its restaurants in the past, of perhaps not knowing what vegetables are. While I stand by my statement that it would definitely not be easy to be a vegetarian here, I've recently come to notice a bit more variety here than I've seen previously. Case in point: two restaurants Dave and I have been to recently. The first;

Don't let that classy name fool you; Senor Wiener is basically one run-on penis joke of a restaurant. But really, I mean that is the best possible sense. So many restaurants--and people for that matter--take themselves so seriously these days. We're afraid of being corny. Witty, ironic, even kitschy, yes; but never corny, and certainly not coarse. Senor Wiener knows what you are thinking about it---and its laughing right along with you. Along with the ongoing genitalia jokes ("that's a big wiener you got there" on their commercials), the restaurant itself decorated obvious, and gleefully photoshopped photos of the "owner"--- some sort of Mexican hot dog mogul---with various icons throughout history, from Hitler to Bill Clinton.
The food is a similarly varied selection of hot dog creations that span the gamut of the very simple (Naked Dog---just a hot dog and a bun) to the creative and complex (The Aloha Dog -- pineapple, pepperoni, mozzarella, bacon and ranch). I was curious about some of their crazier dogs, but Dave and I decided to go with a couple of old stand bys, mostly because we were just looking for a snack. I went with the a carnival favorite: The Corn Dog

  Alright---perhaps I should have warned you: the photos is the post will not be awesome, as they were taken with a blackberry. But then, hot dogs never really LOOK that great, they mostly just taste great (or, one hopes). The corn dog was exactly what I'd expect from a corn dog---but I did sort of wish that I'd gotten one of the more interesting ones.

Dave, on the other hand, enjoyed the artery clogging Chili Cheese Dog.

I didn't eat any of this cheesy delight, but I believe Dave found it acceptable. Yowza.

And now for something completely different...

  I would describe this place as being like Cold Stone Creamery, but with salad instead of ice cream. Like cold stone, you select your base (a variety of greens, including romaine, iceberg, spinach and a spring mix) then you select fix ins and a dressing.  There are of course also a selection of intriguing signature salads if you don't feel up to making your own brilliant creation.

The restaurant itself is bright, and chain-like, though I believe this is the first location. Taking the "Green" concept to heart, the cups and cutlery are biodegradable, and clearly labeled food waste and recycling bins make it easy for customers to help to do their part.
I went for the BLT salad (this girl likes bacon), but made the unfortunate mistake of getting my salad "mixed up," just because I wanted to see the saladista ( Salad attendant? Salad server? Salad maker?) mix it together with her cleavers.

 
This just reminded me that there is a reason I don't order chop salads---if I wanted my food to look like it does in my stomach---well, I don't. I'm big on presentation, and the salad looked a lot better before it was chopped up. The salad tasted pretty good, although the bacon was disappointingly tiny bits which could have been from a prepackaged bag. I could have made this salad myself. Which, I suppose is a pitfall of a restaurant like this---you should pretty much always be able to make what they make.

Dave, of course, representing the masculine quotient of our estrogen laden lunch party (outnumbered 2:1) ordered the least veggie-like of the salads. The taco salad.

Didn't look too bad, but Dave said they added too much queso sauce to it. Again, South Dakota---veggies NOT bad!

All in all, Mixed GO GREEN! had potential, and I like the concept. However, I've never been one of those girls who orders a salad at every meal---I like salads, they're just rarely the only event in my meal. This lead to the unfortunate/fortunate side effect that immediately after leaving Mixed, we were slurping malts at the Sonic Drive In across the street. So much for healthy.


Also, for anyone wondering--the Kombucha turned out great, and I even tricked a number of people into trying it. I liked the flavored bottle better, though I think next time, I'm going to try to use smaller bottles. The slight carbonation was more pronounced when I first opened the bottles, but dissipated on later openings. Smaller bottles would preserve it better, I think. No one has died from it yet!

OMF seeks MPLR

I came to an important realization today.

I haven't been to any amazing restaurants here. It sounds sort of disheartening, but its also interesting how long its taken me to notice.

When it comes to food, even foodies get complacent, accepting...we don't expect that every place that we go to is going to be great, and we take comfort in the familiarity of chains when we need to. So after a while, you forget that there was a time when thinking of a breakfast sandwich made your mouth water, and imagining eating an expensive fish dish made you want to start saving up so you could justify eating it again as soon as possible.

It sounds like I'm treating food as a metaphor for something else right now, doesn't it?

It's impossible to not be hopeful, though. This weekend, I had a certain vegetarian friend visit, and I tried to find a restaurant with good vegetarian options for her. Given that the John Morrell & Co. meat processing plant is in Sioux Falls and whole regions smell like bacon all the time, I don't think a lot of people really get vegetarianism here.

 Vegetarianism may have not made it to Sioux Falls, but the Double Down certainly has! Source

We went to Puerto Vallarta, a local Mexican restaurant in town, mostly because they had a sizeable number of things on their menu that did not include meat, and they seemed to grasp the difference between cheese and processed cheese food. Mexican food in general is usually not that hard to make vegetarian, and their options are usually not too bad.

This was something else. I don't want to turn this into a big rag on Puerto Vallarta, because as a restaurant, I'm sure lots of people would be fine with it, and they didn't do anything wrong really, customer service-wise. So I'll just put it in the words of my friend: "it is, in fact, possible to a) ruin a vegetarian burrito and b) use too much butter in cooking."

Harsh words from a lady from the Dairy State. This burrito was, despite being full of vegetables, the most buttery thing I have ever eaten. 


Which just sort of gives you further proof that this town does not get vegetarianism. Its as if they were trying to mask the taste of vegetables (eww! gross!) with as much butter as possible, as if no one, even someone who ordered a vegetarian burrito, would ever actually want to taste vegetables.


So, I'm a little disheartened right now. I almost don't want to go to restaurants anymore. I'm just not sure that this level of mediocrity is worth it. Or maybe I should post an ad, like in the personals section:

OMF seeks MPLR: Open-Minded Foodie who's been disappointed by the dining scene in the past, seeks Moderately Priced Local Restaurant to patronize on a long term basis. Fresh ingredients and creativity is a must. Open to any ethnicity. Message me if interested.   

Props to my sis for giving me the personals idea in her dance blog, All She Wants to Do Is. With any luck, we'll both find the illusive restaurant/dance partner we both seek.